My Mom’s Ho’oponopono Death

My mom made her transition to the other side of “the rainbow bridge” in mid June, after living with me and my family for EXACTLY 4 months. Like, to the DAY.

I believe she made her passage to the other side in peace, without pain or emotional turmoil.

My mom’s Doc here was incredibly wise, an older gentleman….a SAGE really. He counseled us to get Hospice involved, on the early side of life. Like Pronto. He recommended Hospice before my Mother was even really obviously in need of this kind of intervention. They were AMAZING and supportive and gave us all the knowledge and resources we needed long before we needed them. Oh my gosh, so helpful. So, when my mom had her random “fall” in the bathroom, and went down hill from there, we were ready

I was thankfully ready with my midwife trained “quick hands” as the medical mode was easy for me to “go to.” And, also, I was determined to provide the most sacred “home death” possible ALSO because of hospice and midwifery training and MOSTLY because of Ho’oponopono, I was determined. Ecstatic Death. What’ s Ho’oponopono? Read on………

Today I am certain…..seriously….. that my Mom’s death was an ecstatic experience. I was inspired to “midwife” her transformation to the great beyond, just as I do birth….and dare I say, it was an amazing, beautiful and even a FUN death?

Well, it was.

Because of Ho’oponopono and more.

Here’s a little background about this ancient Hawaiian practice.

Dr. Hew Len, A Hawaiian Psychologist, is who I learned Ho’oponopono from over 12 years ago. He learned it from Morrnah Nalamuku Simeona, a Hawaiian Kahuna, until she passed away in 1992.

For three years, while Dr. Hew Len worked as a staff psychologist for Hawaii State Hospital, he practiced Ho’oponopono on the ‘files of the patients where he worked. Yes, you read that right. On the files….not on the people themselves.

In this high security psychiatric facility, rapist, murderers and other violent men were treated. It was VERY common for patients in this hospital to practice violence against each other and staff members on a regular basis. It was not a safe place to be. Scary in fact and there was a lot of tune over in terms of staff. Until Dr Hew Len showed up and started to practice Ho’oponopono while reading their charts vs seeing them in “therapy.”

After three years, the violence had mostly stopped. Eventually, the whole unit was closed because people were healed and being released or healed and going to less high security environments.

Ho’oponopono would probably still be unknown to the general public had it not been for one of my favorite Author’s, Joe Vitale. He tracked Dr. Hew Len down over 10 years ago, to get the full story of how he healed an entire psychiatric ward by practicing Ho’oponopono.

Dr. Hew Len and Joe Vitale have co-written a book titled “Zero Limits,” which I highly recommend as a place to start learning about this amazing practice.

When Dr Joe first contacted Dr. Hew Len, one of his first questions was; “How did you heal these violent patients without seeing any of them person?” Dr. Hew Len replied, “I didn’t heal them. I healed the part of myself that created them.”

The Ho’oponopono Practice in a nutshell – –here’s how it works.

The essence of Ho’oponopono is that you have to be willing to be 100% responsible for everything happening in your life!!! That’s right! Everything!

You may be thinking, it feels kinda crazy to accept 100% of responsibility for everything, especially if you think it’s not “your fault.” That phrase, “not my fault” is such a trap by the way.

Believe me, it takes a BOAT LOAD of courage and spiritual maturity to take 100% responsibility no matter what. It’s not easy. When my teenage kids are participating in activities that I can’t believe they are doing, do you think I want to take 100% responsibility? NO WAY. Think about it, you are then saying, “Whatever this issue is, I am responsible for it, even though it may not be my “fault” and I’m not to blame!!” So many of us love to blame others, right? Well, I learned long ago, that’s no way to live and is certainly not THE EASIEST WAY.

To take the stand that I am a conscious creator…..Thus, I have the power to be the creator of everything happening in my life….I mean, EVERYTHING, is powerful. That means, you are not the victim, you are empowered. And Ho’oponopono is all about that. Taking full responsibility.

So, this is the deal. Immediately when an “error”( this is what the Hawaiians call it) has occurred, do the Ho’oponopono process.

Think of the person, place, circumstance, event or situation bothering you. Have it in your mind.

And, then take 100% responsibility for everything you are FEELING AND BELIEVING in response to this “error.” So, that could be anger, remorse, grief, jealousy, frustration, overwhelm….you get the picture.

And then say to yourself….over and over again…..

I love you

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

This can be in any order.

Continue saying this to yourself until you feel at peace. Until there is no knot in your stomach.

When you clean and cleanse the inner part of you that isn’t at peace until it is, you clean and cleanse your outer world and everyone in it too. It’s a win-win!

To be willing to be 100% responsible for all “errors” (i.e. whatever is showing up in your life) is an extremely high vibe and makes a positive difference. That means you never yell at anyone else or blame anyone else. Hardly anyone does this, right?

“Errors” may include: Financial issues, relationships going through challenges, old beliefs not serving you, your illness, someone else’s illness, negative emotions, addictions, stress, etc.

In the case of my mom, it was showing up as her illness and also, all of her emotional turmoil and needs and frustrations and more. In a nutshell, it was complicated. I’ll leave it at that.

So, that’s a little background, here’s how it helped me with my mom’s transition to the great beyond. 🙂

Jay and the kids and I experienced so much those last days, it’s difficult to even put it all in words. As you can only imagine, it’s taken me a while to do so! I am at the point where I feel ABSOLUTELY certain that our souls are connected….from this 3D plane to the other dimensions. Amazing thing was this….my mom didn’t abandon her body, she took off. Literally. Peter Pan through the portal. And we saw it happen.

I have always believed we are more then a physical body. But now, thanks to my mom, I truly “know” it. I’m so forever grateful for this experience! And knowledge!

Well of course, the ancient Hawaiian practice I’m so in love with, Ho’oponopono, was an integral part of her peaceful transition. It saved me personally….haha… seriously…..for the months prior to her death, during and beyond. I said the mantra to myself non stop, even in my sleep (I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you). I have been practicing Ho’oponopono for 12 years. And I integrated it even more fully when my mom came to live with us. I had to. It was the easiest way to thrive in the midst of a very challenging time period.

This is my truth. Day after day I experience this ancient Hawaiian technique as a miracle in my life. I really do.

In the last week of my Mom’s life, I witnessed her condition shifting with each passing day. She was getting weaker, unable to eat more and more solid foods, more unhappy more often, (no matter how much we focussed on creating a container of happiness for her. ) Yet, she was pretty amazing too right up till the last 2 days on other levels…..still carrying on with her daily life with so much pride, integrity and agility. She was such a strong and beautiful lady!

The last few days of my Mother’s life is still very vivid to me. She would let us know who (from the other side) was in the room, and that they were coming to visit her and talking with her. She introduced me to childhood friends, as if I could see them. Seriously. I’m not kidding. She asked me why such a “crowd of people” were in the room and wondered if they were ready to “take her.” I held her hand, giggled with her, and repeated in my mind the mantra, “I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you.” I continued to hold the space and talked with the people she introduced to me, having full conversations, and respecting her process. BTW, I’m quite certain, they were THERE. There is no doubt in my mind, they were THERE in the room with us.

I wasn’t grasping on for her to stay, I wasn’t begging “No, not yet, please no.” Like I was when my father died pretty much without warning 15 years earlier. She was ready. I was surrendering, and so was she.

The night before she made her transition, Jay and I sat with my mom together and also, took turns solo when we got sleepy. Kinda like birth! Midwives always take turns!

We had moments of roaring laughter, vivid and fun memories, gratitude, pure love, and then as her organs were beginning to shut down, some pretty intense physical pain. It was heartbreaking to hear her talk about the physical pain of her organs shutting down. I was so grateful for the morphine, oh so very grateful, and also grateful for my quick hands learned from midwifery. I hope I was able to ease what must have been intolerable physical pain!

Mom was super stellar at communicating with me all along the way. Almost like she had gone through a “death class”…like how people go through a “birth class: before they give birth. She let me know what she needed, when she needed it, what was happening for her at all levels, and who was visiting from the other side.

When my Father and my oldest sister, MaryAnn, came to visit, we knew her transition was imminent. My mom’s AWESOME caregiver, Leisa, was our “muse” to give us not only the physical signs to watch for along the way, but these more “etheric” ones as well. When early on that week my mom started getting visitors from the other side Leisa shared with me, “Dona, when your Dad shows up, you know her transition is only a few days away.” You can only imagine how grateful I am for Leisa and her wisdom. She was a integral resource and friend and SISTA as I navigated my mom’s transition.

So, when my Dad and sister showed up that night before my mom’s death, MaryAnn (my sis) told my mom to stop being such a pain in the ass and to lie down. That is something she would say. Believe me. I knew she was really there and my Mom wasn’t just making it up. My sister was bossy. We laughed and laughed. Our Dog Blue also let us know there were visitors from the other side. He would whine and wag his tail (sitting there all stiff) and look up at some invisible tall person. (my dad according to my mom, he was very tall). My Mom shared with Leisa that Blue was looking up at my Dad, and Dad was playing with Blue. It was truly a hoot to hear Mom continuously chat it up with her friends, relatives and ancestors as if they were literally physical beings in the room with us. The room was packed with her community! They were there! It was a party!

Mom regularly would pull me close to her and share with me in those last days that she was “ready to go.” The night before she made her leap she even tried to get up on the bed and jump through some portal that was in the left hand upper corner of the room. It didn’t really “compute” with her that her physical body wasn’t going with her. Isn’t that cool? The urge was so strong, her body was going too!

Mom pointed to a portal in the ceiling and said, “see, right there, I”m ready to go through there, do you see that portal, they are waiting for me.” I encouraged her to lay back down, cause she was so weak, she could get hurt at that point, so, getting up wouldn’t be a good thing. And, meanwhile in my mind kept repeating the mantra, (I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you) and continued to remind her how strong she is. I shared with her much I loved her. I let her know how I wanted her to come back after she left her body to let me know “the other side” exists. Well, she’s done that a ton. Believe me!

In that moment, when she was describing the portal…..something clicked inside me, and I let her know that she could certainly go through that portal, just not in her physical body. I encouraged her that her will is strong, and she could go, anytime she wanted to…. and to just let her physical body play it out here with me. I assured her that I would take care of everything on the physical side of things. Not to worry. She looked at me, nodded her head “YES”, and calmed down significantly. I could tell she was thinking that through and figuring out how to be like peter pan and fly. “I can fly, I can fly, I can fly…..”

My mom was between profound peace and agitation all night long…..and, a few hours before she fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning (never to awaken) she sat up straight in bed and said, “Dona, bring me my purse.” I truly couldn’t believe she was asking me for her purse. I said, “Mom, get you your purse, seriously?” She said, “Dona, you heard me, get me my purse.” Well, of course, I retrieved her purse. She sat up, zipped it open, got out her wallet, zipped that open, and handed me $40 and said the following….. “Dona, I want you to take a break tommorow and get a pedicure. You need a break. Please, promise me you will do this.” I said, “Mom, are you serious? I can get a pedicure anytime.” She nodded that nod that made me know she was SERIOUS. So reluctantly, I took the cash and agreed.

Jay and i continued to sit with her for the next few hours to help her focus her breath in a calmer way. It was much like birth, honestly, so we are pretty used to that mode. We sat silently with her, held the space of serenity, and continued to say to ourselves the mantra, “I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you”, until she was asleep.

My mother left her body at some point that night, while we were holding her hands and sleeping. She did it…. and was like Peter Pan jumping through the portal to Neverland. Her body continued to breathe, and she was free.

Between me, Jay, Leisa (my mom’s angel caregiver), and our kids, we cared for her body all that next day. That afternoon, a gorgeous AZ day with the sun shining, her body completed it’s journey in this life time. And yes, I was following her ORDERS and taking my break and getting my pedicure right at that very moment. She was happy about that. I’m sure of it. And Leisa let me know that morning when she came to help out that people often pass when those closest to them are not there. Really? How unfair is that! Ok, but i was following her orders….she loved to be the boss.

Here’s how it rolled….. I was just finishing up the pedicure, drying in fact, when Jay texted me to say, “hey babe, I think your mom died. I’m sorry, please call me.” She never had the death rattle. her breathing was peaceful….and we really weren’t thinking it would be that soon. She slipped away.

I jumped in the car barefoot and with my toes still drying, got home and immediately went into her bedroom. It struck me how beautiful she looked; If you knew my mom it would make sense that her hair was perfect, favorite pajamas, and nails gorgeously long and manicured from the week before. That was her! But, what I mean is how very relaxed and peaceful she was. It was very much like the hundreds of births I’ve witnessed. Ecstatic.

I felt an infinite peace, a huge acceptance, tranquility and gratitude and dare I say, ECSTASY; I still feel the same way.

I’ve always been connected to “the other side”, even as a small child, but this Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono opened up a new dimension to me 12 years ago when I first learned it. That dimension of ” over the rainbow bridge” is much closer then we think…. and I feel my mom quite often. Every day in fact. Especially when the owls start hooting endlessly to wake me up in the wee hours of the morning. There she is. Waking me up to make sure I get the kids up and out the door on time. Thanks Mom. 🙂

It’s truly amazing to know that at any time in our lives, and for any reason, we can chose between suffering and “problems” or acceptance and inner peace.

I’ve chosen the Hawaiian way……inner peace…..Ho’oponopono. I love you. Thank you.